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Who here likes being judged for their parenting?
*No hands are raised*
Bueller? Bueller?
None of us, right?
Okay, there probably are one or two mamas reading this who feel that if they were judged, everyone would be impressed by their spectacular parenting portfolio. Well, well done, Karen.
Most likely though, if you think you are the crème de la crème of parents, I hate to break it to ya, but your kiddo probably isn’t presenting you with some of the challenges other mamas face.
Because here’s the truth:
We judge people when we witness a situation in which we think we would do things differently.
We make this judgement based on
our own circumstances
our own state of mind
our own children.
And I’m not pointing fingers here. I know I am guilty of doing it too.
We all are.
To be fair to us all, it can be easy to judge.
But we need to remember that it’s easy because we only have a few tidbits of information.
We don’t understand the full story of that mama and those kiddos.
The mama who seems unaware of her child’s “bad” behavior
– May be caught up in thoughts about losing a loved one.
– Or she may be making a choice to back off and let her kid be a kid.
– She may be self conscious and unsure of what to do.
– Or she might be dealing with the fog of depression.
The mama who yells and seems overly angry with her child for something that seems small to you
– May be at her wit’s end after a day of relentless power battles.
– Or she may be dealing with the same behavior on repeat.
– She may not know how else to handle the situation and is truly doing her best.
– Or she may have anxiety that presents as rage (and yes she’s working on it).
The mama whose kid is hurting other kids
– May be in family therapy to understand the root of the behavior.
– Or she may be working with an Occupational Specialist to target her child’s sensory processing issues that lead to their aggression.
– She may be dealing with the behavior everywhere she goes and physically cannot respond to every single thing.
– Or she may be using gentle parenting techniques that can take a heck of a long time to work.
The mama whose kiddo is defiant
– May have a child that does not respond to common discipline approaches and what you think you would do.
– Or she may have a child who scoffs at her counts to three, time out, and taking things away.
– She may know all the “right” things to do, and does them, but they aren’t working.
– Or she may feel powerless as a mom with a history of emotionally abusive relationships where she learned to not trust herself.
Long story short, we don’t know what we don’t know about the other parent and her children. We don’t have all the facts. We are not in a position to judge.
And, really, most everyone is doing their best, so can we all agree that all this judging business isn’t helping anyone?
Can’t we all just give each other a little grace?
And maybe a knowing smile instead of a grimace or side-eyed glance?
Motherhood is hard enough without being judged for it.
And we are all probably screwing up our kids in some unforeseeable way, anyway.
So let’s just lift each other up and cheer each other on for doing our imperfect best.
Deal?
*Steps off soapbox*
Christina is the writer behind the blog Real Life Mama. She is a mom two littles, a 4-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son. Christina and her family live in San Diego, where she is a full-time mama, part-time mental health therapist (LPCC), and round-the-clock blogger, writer, and author. If she ever gets a moment to herself, she can be found singing at the top of her lungs, cooking, and crafting. Thanks for reading!
36 Comments
I agree! Judging ISN’T helping anyone. Grace and a knowing smile is so much more helpful and affirming than an eye roll od disapproving glance. Great post!
Great read. everyone has different things going on in their life. We need to be understanding and not judge.
I hope this helps but I have to say when dealing with such passionate people (moms) i think it will be tough. there are some pretty controversial topics out there these days. Glad to see this is something being worked on..
I hope this helps but I have to say when dealing with such passionate people (moms) i think it will be tough. there are some pretty controversial topics out there these days. Glad to see this is something being worked on..
Get back on your soapbox, and say it louder for the people in the back! We need to have each other’s back, not be judging each other.
Amen sister! Stop the judgin! I have a two year old and sometimes when in publuc he has thrown the most massive fits! I have Sometimes wanted to cry. Judging only maje it worse!
Really loved this post! Never know what a person is going through. Its so important to be kind
This is so true, and can be applied to anyone. Don’t tell me to smile – you don’t know if my cat just died or not. Live and let live.
I love the soapbox! I agree there are 2 sides to every story just as there are 2 sides to parenting – the parents and the kids. Great rant!
It’s always about having empathy for fellow moms 🙂 Maybe instead of judging we can ask if she needs anything…
I remind myself daily that “Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.” A good reminder to just be kind, give grace and stop judging. Love this post!
You’re exactly right! You don’t know another mama’s story, or circumstances, so why judge? I love it when I see mama’s building other mama’s up. I think that’s truly beautiful and it’s what I hope for when I finally get to be a mama.
*Hands you drink of your choice. Silently cheers you. drinks heartily with you
We’ve all been guilty of this at some point. But, you’re right, wouldn’t it be great to lift each other up instead?! Thank you for the reminder!
YAASSS!! PREACH SISTER! WE ARE ALL DOING OUR BEST OUT HERE AND SOMETIMES WE ARE NOT PERFECT.
this!!!! could not agree more!
This is such a great post! I love the section where you point out what we perceive is happening vs. what is really happening. May we all be more aware & helpful to each other rather than judgemental. thanks for sharing!
I am pretty sure I mess up too. I am sure people judge me during those times.
I love it … We are all probably screwing up our kids in some unforeseeable way, anyway … that’s awesome, humbling, and probably true!
Such true words! So many moms are quick to tear each other down when we need to be building one another up.
???????????? All of this, yes! It would be better if we just asked each other if we needed anything and how we are doing. ❤
PREACH! All of this!
yes!!! Sound advice and can be used for everybody! nobody ever knows the whole story.
Thanks for sharing this! 🙂 A little grace goes a long way.
Thank. You. Women need to lift each other up…no excuses.
So great of you to cover this! I am a stepmom and I often feel judged just because I am not the bio mom. So very true that you never know what someone else is going through!
So true! You never know what someone is dealing with and the judgment just makes everything worse.
It’s true, we do not know EVERYONE’S situation. I have a kid with adhd and it has made me a very COMPASSIONATE person
This is such a great post. It is not okay to judge others or be judged as a mother as long as your kids are take. Care of that is all that matters. Thank you for this post.
Important reminder..JUdging others in so wrong! Life brings us all times when our decisions are not the best, but we are all human..mistakes included, no one is perfect!
Every mom has DIFFERENT struggles and YOU’RE right – it is so unfair to judge based Upon a few external factorS. We never know the struggles / battles… i know im far from perfeCt and dont want others judging me, so i try to extend grace and not judge others.
Every mom has DIFFERENT struggles and YOU’RE right – it is so unfair to judge based Upon a few external factorS. We never know the struggles / battles… i know im far from perfeCt and dont want others judging me, so i try to extend grace and not judge others.
Great article…nicely written!
Thanks for these great reminders! I try not to be judgy, and your scenarios will really help with that!
Thanks for sharing this. I am guilty at times.
Absolutely! No one else knows what’s going on with the other parents.